My Mom

I haven't mentioned mom in my updates because this blog has been about our journey with Marc's cancer. However the events of this last week bring her to the forefront.

The following paragraphs were written by my sister in her travel journal.

"When we sent out our last update, my mother was not mentioned because I didn't know what to say - she's continuing to decline? she's back on Hospice care? the right words just wouldn't come.

So instead, she gets her own place in our updates. At 2:35 am on November 15, Mary Vixie peacefully passed away at Eagle Springs in College Place, WA. My sister, Betsy and one of mom's best friends, Mary Ellen, along with the wonderful caregivers were with her. We are all honored that she is part of a University of Washington research study (8 siblings, 7 have been affected with Alzheimer's.) They now have mom's brain tissue along with 3 of her siblings.

A memorial service will be held on December 15. Dick and I had already been planning to be at my sisters in Vancouver for Christmas and this will allow us and my brother/sister-in-law in Colorado to make just one trip north.

Sadness has been a big part of our lives especially for the past two years. I feel overwhelming relief that the long battle (16 years) mom fought so valiantly is finished."

My mom was an amazing woman. She was my model for how to get through difficult situations. When we lived in North Dakota she had an aneurism and had brain surgery. A few years later, we moved back west so my dad could work with my Uncle Alden. Dad was in a construction accident that left him paralyzed from the rib cage down. Mom was his constant companion, cheerleader, and caregiver for 25 years. They inspired many people with their strength, courage, and positive outlook on life.

Mom began her long battle with Alzheimer's about the time Brett was born. She took every herb she read about that might help. She worked puzzles, read books, made quilts and exercised regularly to keep the brain connections growing to replace the ones that were being damaged by the disease. She lived on her own until April of 2006. At that time she required a bit more help so she moved from her independent retirement apartment to an assisted living apartment in the same building. In July of that year she required surgery for a major bladder repair. She was never the same after surgery and was moved from the hospital to a Memory Care Facility.

Her care in the last year and a half was incredible. The people who worked at Eagle Springs loved mom as if she were their own. We couldn't have asked for anything better for her.

One of the nurses called me last Tuesday with the news that mom probably wouldn't make it more than 48 hours. My friend Debora and I wrote quick lesson plans and I left. I was able to spend Wednesday sitting with my mom. My Aunt Hilda sat with us in the morning. After we went to lunch, I went back and then returned again after running some errands and having dinner.

When I arrived in the evening, Mom's eyes were open and she was gasping for air. I was able to talk to her and calm her by stroking her arms and telling her that she had cared for us all those years and now I was there to care for her and she could just relax. I told her about Brett and Rose and what good kids they had become. She relaxed and I went to find the nurse. She was at dinner, but one of the caregivers came and raised the head of Mom's bed. He breathing eased. When the nurse returned 15 minutes later, she gave Mom some morphine and she relaxed and went back to sleep.

They said I could spend the night, but I decided to return to Mary Ellen's house. She was one of Mom's very dear friends. About midnight my phone rang. Mary Ellen and I joined Bea (the administrative assistant who had taken Mom on as her special patient. Bea went to high school with my brother and sister) at Mom's bedside.

She quietly, peacefully stopped breathing at 2:36 a.m.

Mary Ellen and Martha (another of mom's dear faithful friends) helped me clean out Mom's room Thursday. I stayed on in Walla Walla to finish up a few last details and returned home last night.

We are planning a memorial service. However, because of Mom's love of life and fun, we are also planning a celebratory popcorn party afterwards. We will play games and laugh ourselves silly. It's what mom would have wanted.